Friday, October 25, 2013

God I love Gods!!

Since I have a lot of work to do and no time for myself, I was thinking the other day about which God is one of my favorites. Apparently gods did not have too much work that day, so they came on the stage to show off their skills and what not. Poor things did not know I already had my mind set. Sorry god..human beings...(roll your eyes..wait..is that allowed as a God?)

I love love love Ganapati. Something to do with the goofy looks and loving eyes I guess. Goofy looks and loving eyes remind me of someone I know..who could that be..um....these are some people who carry their purses wondering why they are so heavy and always have scrunchy on their wrists. Sometimes they do not remember their phone numbers and ask people to give them a missed call while exchanging contact information. They also like to eat a lot. sweets...um...

Then I love Krishna. Mischief. I love that. Who can live the entire whole life without it? I would like to be krishna once during my day. I would love to steal something from someone's lunch box if I think I love it more than anything. I also love that he has Radha And Meera both yearning for him. Who would not want 1 woman who dances and other woman who sings just doing that so you can be happy? And talk about giving advice. Love love love it. I want someone to write a book about how much advice I give to people around me. I bet people have a lot to learn from me. (note: Halo is for real)

Now don't get me wrong they both have great qualities other than these, but somehow these goofy mischievious things make them so human for me. If Gods can do all this, then why can't I? I came late to office, so what? I am sure Lord Krishna would have done the same thing if he was in my place. I stole a laddu from someone's lunch box..I am sure Ganpati is with me on this one. Stealing sweets is allowed until you reach age when you cannot eat them anymore. He told me so.

Then comes Maruti. You guessed it. Goofy. Smart and slighly weird. Remember once Maruti grew larger and larger in size? I totally want that but in opposite way. When Jay and Nina are throwing tantrums, I was to shink ..smaller and smaller ..so small that they ultimately can't find me. And think about leaping. Oh my..God knows how helpful that will be for me when I am sitting in the bus stuck in Lincoln tunnel traffic..way to go Maruti god..

Now you might think, whats wrong with Rama and so on and so forth? Nothing actually. It's just that they seem way too serious. I can't approach them often with my issues because I am so silly. Remember Soup Nazi from Seinfield? He used to say No Soup for You..if someone made a slight mistake? I fear the other gods will say, No wending machine M&Ms for you today silly lady, if I crack a silly joke in front of him...God knows I love my M&Ms..don't you God?

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

"Joey" The Joey

little joey suddenly felt cold and very very hungry. What just happened? He was frightened. He felt his body shivering. In a split second he felt warm again. inside out. He felt overwhelming sense that a constant source of love was surrounding him. It was a feeling we can only experience. What just happened? he thought...Nevertheless, I should stop thinking and start enjoying..rest..eat..rest..eat..rest..eat..rest..eat..days must have gone by when Joey slept and ate and slept and ate and rested. He really did not care much. He was getting all he wanted to get. It was more like he was getting everything without really knowing what he wanted..that and sometimes it felt like he was riding a roller coaster. Kind of bumpy. Like a lullaby to put him to sleep if he was awake. I love this..he thought..

Tiny Joey got just a tiny bit stronger by all that resting and eating and resting and eating..and figured out he has legs. Tiny legs he can move. It was kind of fun. He could twist and turn and move his tiny head a bit ..but he still wanted to rest and eat and rest and eat and rest and eat...so he did just that..I love this..he thought..

Little Joey got a little bit stronger by all that resting and eating and resting and eating ..and figured he could do a somersault..wow..that was something..He was proud of himself. But why do i feel different suddenly? I see a whole lot of different things now..I see colors, I hear sounds, I see that I am moving without actually moving my body..Am i dreaming? Who is doing this to me? He looked around and saw someone he connected with instantly. She smiled. She patted him gently. That was reassuring. He was not that nervous any more. He felt confident and calm. He peeked his head a little more and started enjoying the ride. But there only this much little Joey could do before he felt tired again. Then all he wanted was to rest and eat and rest and eat and rest and eat..so he did just that..I love this..he thought..

Joey was full of life now. He smiled, ate, played, giggled, rested and did somersaults. But that was not enough now. He wanted to explore. He did not have to do much. She understood. She gently gave him a nudge just enough for him to jump out on his own and stand on his own for the very first time. It was magical!! Magical for both of them. Magical happiness poured out of their hearts. Magical music played in their ears and magical energy gave them just enough boost to explore together. But he missed something terribly. He missed the closeness and the secure feeling. His eyes spilled out his feelings and she smiled. Her eyes were inviting more than ever before and he jumped in like there is no tomorrow. Together they were..again..

Months must have gone by and Joey grew by leaps and bounds. He became more aware of himself and more independent. He became more adventurous. One fine morning when he was out there exploring with her, she looked at him and they spoke. They spoke a language of love that only they could understand. She was proud of him. It was time she said. I know he nodded. But when I am scared, will I do fine? he asked. You will my boy. WHen scared remember that safe place you came from and you will do just fine. She said. That one moment when they looked at each other felt like a moment frozen in time. So beautiful and no natural. So sad and so happy. So "only theirs"..and off he went away from her...

---------------------------------------------------
Last week I read a book to Sunshine and Buttercup about Kangaroos and found it interesting that A female kangaroo gives birth to a tiny baby about the size of a jellybean weighing only 2gm. A kangaroo baby is called "Joey". She carries it in her pouch for months until it is at a stage of development where it can live outside the pouch. Hats off to you Kangaroo moms!! I love you all. You rock!!

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Rainbow heart

I am always amazed by the rainbow. I can look at it for hours if it would stay. It is not just the awesome colors and the amazing shape that awakens every desire to live inside me, it's so much more than that. The colors are bound together so tightly like a band of brothers. Nobody can ever try to separate them. It's so so high up I am always curious how will it be to sit on it and kind of slide down until I realize even more beautiful thing about it - that is it really does not exist. It's just a phenomenon. It's not a thing I can touch and feel with my hands. How can something like this give me such tremendous joy? then I start thinking about my life and realize lots of things that are not physical things give me extreme joy. Ever wonder where is love coming from? Where in my body does it really exist? I can never touch it with my hands but it fills my entire being. Ever wonder where is compassion coming from? I can feel it all the time. I can feel it so much flowing inside me. I bet there is a rainbow inside me. Inside every human being. All these colors are the feelings. Good feelings, scary feelings, nervous feeling, feelings of excitement, compassion, affection and pure joy. They are sticking together like a band of brothers. They need each other. Sometimes it rains inside me. It rains for days. There is no sun. Not even a hint of it. It feels utterly hopeless and gloomy. All I have to do then is to remember my precious moments with the rainbow. When it all sunny and bright, I will see it again. It's going to fill my whole entire body and being with such palpable excitement and joy, I am going to grow much stronger than I was ever before. My rainbow heart beckons your rainbow heart today. May our rainbows collide some day or may I say mingle??

Monday, September 30, 2013

For my heart and soul...

One precious boy was busy dreaming about a night full of sleep. As he went to bed each night he must have asked himself this question "Is today going to be the night I sleep through?". His red patchy rough skin full of Veseline and hands inside mittens irritated him like no other thing on the earth has. He kept his words to himself most of the times. He knew he has to live with this for the time being at least. His seven year old soul had kept itself busy throughout the day. He did go to school yawning. He studied his maths with heavy eyes. He memorized his spellings and finished his homework as told. The best time of the day was when he was on the playground playing tag. It was sunny and hot. He did not realize this until he came in and felt sorry for doing that. The itchiness was incredibly bad. He could not sit still. He could not write properly. He could not think through. He was worried if he continued scratching he would bleed on his uniform and his friends would make fun of him. He still made it through. He gave his best shot.

"Why me mommy?" he asked while taking bath which seemed like a torture. Why do people enjoy baths he would think each day. Why do people love swimming he pondered. Why can't I eat anything I like without worrying? His little mind drifted back and forth between all the whys several times during the day. At dinner time when he was sitting and chatting with mom and his little sister, mom asked "if you had the power to control the world, what kind of place do you want it to be?" little sis said "I want the world to have lots of toy shops and shoe shops" it was his turn. He looked at mom and found her eagerly waiting for his words. With his eyes full of kindness, he said "I want nobody in this world to be sick. They all need to be healthy" Mom was speechless and sad. Mom kissed his sweet face and whispered "If I could I would take away all your sickness my boy. All of it..."

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Pat me one more last time..



Little miss. Jojo was so sleepy. She lay in her bed waiting for her mom to finish the chores.She could see mom working in the kitchen. Mom seemed tired. She was still working very fast. Jojo wanted her to work faster so she can sit with her. She screamed "How much more time mom?".Mom replied "I only have two hands. I am trying." Moms face softened a bit immediately. She put the dishes away and walked towards her. Her eyes seem fixated on Jojo's face. She came and said in the softest voice ever "dishes will wait my dear..I will give you bath now. I love you" Jojo's face lit up..She followed mommy in the bathroom. It was getting late and Jojo wanted a bubble bath. Mom said No. Jojo hated Nos. It's friday afterall. Why can’t I? Mom said tomorrow. Jojo knew mom would not budge. She started crying. She could feel her warm tears trickle down on her face. Mom was watching her from the corner of her eyes and she suddenly turned and said "Okay then. Bubble bath it is. But only for five more minutes" Jojo knew mom says five for a reason. Nice warm bath...hmmmm.....a trip to the heaven and then...back again..it was time to read books..Mom reads three books. Mommy is good at reading. After the third book, Jojo always says "one more? last one?" Then mommy says "Then what Jojo? What will happen after that?" Jojo said with a cute little grin "that’s the last last one mommy". She put her tiny hands on mom's cheeks and kissed her and whispered "you are the bestest mommy, mommy. I love you."Mommy smiled. Her eyes looked tired. She read another book. Jojo yawned. Mommy tucked her in and hugged her tight. Mommy had the softest voice of all. She brushed her cheek against Jojo’s cheeks and patted her back until Jojo drifted off to sleep.

Deep down in the jungle it was kind of scary. The sun was setting. She could hear strange sounds coming from a distance. Could it be a lion? May be there is s snake on the tree under which I am standing. I need to run for my life. But only if I knew which direction I should take..Mom..mom..I wish I had listened to  her..Mom..can you find me? I will never ever ask for bubble baths or one more book or cry for you when I know you are busy..I will be your best friend..just this one time, can you find me?

Magic happens when you wish for something that badly. She could feel mom's hand on her back.The warmest ever feeling settled in her heart. Mom's hand was rough. But it was all Jojo needed to come out of the woods..Back in her mom's arms Jojo said to herself "I know hearts pump blood, but my mom's heart pumps flowers. Tiny shiny bright colorful flowers..I love you mom..just one last one more time, can you pat me? the last last time for today, can you pat me?"


Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Lost and found..

We lost daddy in whole foods market (it was more like he ran away) ..

so I say to Nina "I need to find daddy"
Her eyes get all weird "who is this lady, how can she lose daddy" like sentiment in them..
but girl stepped up for help "mummy, would you know him by his face if you want to spot him?"
I am like "ummm......"
Girl stepped up to help again.."Don't worry. I know what shirt he is wearing today. I will help."

thank god for good memory..

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

The class has just begun..

J & N,

There is a lot to learn..thirty nine years of life have taught me a lot, but it feels like the class has just begun..it's an amazing class with an amazing teacher..a lot of people attend it..They each learn differently..at their own pace..in this class, you just have to be..just be..believe it or not..it's much more difficult than you can think of..just being..breathing..

Amazingly enough, sometimes in this class, people forget that they are in the class together..all of them..they forget they are here to learn..together..that's when they just stop being..they become judgmental..they give opinions without asking..they hurt each other..but in this class, nobody fails..you get how many ever chances you want to just be..you can come back to just being..

It's hard to see teacher's face..sometimes it appears that the teacher is not teaching anything at all..teacher is stubborn. We think what has gotten into him? It is even worth to attend this? I would rather be someplace else..I want a different class..I want different teacher..we march out of the class only to find ourselves in another class with the same exact teacher..there is no escaping him..

Sometimes you think ..boy how I wish things would have been different with me..you day dream..you become sad..you blame..you cry..you stop believing in yourself..you seem like a failure..you want to go meet the teacher and pour your heart out..may be he has the solution to all this..with a lot of hope, you finally go closer to the teacher and find yourself looking at your own self..you smile at yourself..you hold your own hand..you give yourself your own shoulder to cry on..you whisper in your own ears..it's okay..you are okay..i love you..you are special..i love you..we are going to be great together..I am here..

Cheers to my teacher..she has been wonderful so far..i love her..

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

There is magic in the air...

J,

It was magical moment for me when I was waking you up in the morning. I thought somewhere in some corner of the world some other mom must be waking up a person or may be playing with a person who will grow up and will be in your life as your life partner years after today. It was such a joyful thought for me. I looked at your face and wished from the bottom of the heart that I cross paths with this little person some day and somehow sense some magical bonding. That person - just like you - might be hating school homework or might be loving it. That person might be singing all day like you do..that person might be a picky eater... That person might have some allergies or not...That person exists. And I already love that person. I wish with all my heart that that person never has to ask for love...never has to feel lonely...never has to lose faith in love...love you..

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Woman Proposes, God Disposes...

Woman proposes, god disposes..

I felt an overwhelming NEED to eat M&M's (with peanuts) around 3. What is it with 3 PM anyways? I always wonder. There I was doing my work around 2:59 PM and suddenly at 3 PM the world came to a screeching halt. Because every good deed needs an explanation, here is mine for wanting to eat the M&dM's (with peanuts). I will be giving up chocolate in the month of August. And since it is not August today, I really get this last chance to indulge into it, so I NEED to drag myself to the vending machine and eat the M&M's (with peanuts). Note that I choose MandM's (with peanuts) because mind you even at my unhealthy-est self, I try to balance it out. So I declared my resolution on the YM and asked "D" to join me in giving up something like ...ummm...Coffee..I also did not forget to attach the line in the end "If you truly love me". After I typed, I regretted it big time. ooops..

and because every "sure" has to have "if" after it, he said

"Sure, if that will make you feel loved"..

Ooops...
ok..I am not going to back out just yet..so I said

"Not really..I need a lot more things after that.."

needless to say I lost my fellow "something" giving companion right there.

At was almost 3:15 PM and a woman with a want of sugar rush cannot wait more than that. So I sighed and opened my purse. I was so sure I will find a dollar bill or quarters, but instead I found a lot of hello kitty hair clips, stamps from the doctors place and kohls cash. I frantically thought for a minute if I can use kohls cash inside wending machine, because, why not? I could not believe that a woman has to try so hard to get one tiny pack of tinnie-tiny M&M's (with peanuts) if she is ready to give up so much after that..oh well..I guess I don't have to now..I just wanted to be healthy, but whatever..woman proposes and..

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

जगा लेको



मीटिंग मधे फोन वर
एक  भिजलेला श्वास
कोणाला ऐकू नाही गेला
कारण mute वर ठेवले होते  पत्ठ्यास

परत फिरून
लक्ष देणे भाग होते
पण प्रयत्न करून करून
मन वेडावले होते

फोन वर
किती संभाषणे साधली
पण भुकेलेल्या मनाची
तहान नाही भागली

वाटल .. ह्यातल्या प्रत्येकाला सांगावे
करा disconnect अन बिनधास्त सुट्टी घ्या
deadlines आणि goals .. कशाचीही चिंता करता
लेकांनो तुम्ही एक दिवस स्वतासाठी जगा

जा घरी आणि मिठी मारा बायकोला
उठलून घ्या चिमुकल्यांना
किवा पहा एक मस्त picture
आणि मग ताणून द्या छान दुपारभर

मस्त फिरायला जा बागे मध्ये
किवा hike करा डोंगरावर
हो ... त्याच डोंगरावर .. जो पाहून
उसासे सोडता तुम्ही दिवस भर

उद्या नाही आजच करा, नंतर नको आत्ताच जगा
उद्या office असणारच आहे हो , तुह्मी लेको जगा किवा मरा



Monday, July 29, 2013

Dharma Calling....

Dear J

I read a book to you yesterday. It is written by Deepak Chopra. It is about finding love and your passion in your life which will lead us to happiness. You seem to grow quieter as I read first couple of pages with your sleepy eyes fixated on my face. For some time I did not know whether you are listening or understanding or liking anything at all. Then suddenly you sighed and said "This is a good book mommy". It was hard to hide my happiness from you. I smiled...my boy loves the books I love..As we moved forward, you asked me a lot of questions and seemed puzzled at some of the things I read. You wanted to accept it all, but it was hard. I could sense it. But let me tell you something, it was the same for me. That book for meant for kids your age, but your mom found it profoundly difficult and moving. Deepak Chopra mentiones that it is important to find your passion in life. Your calling. Your talent. Your Dharma - as he called it. And let me tell you something, I am still finding it. I told you that. You quickly told me your talent is to whistle. You are happiest when you are whistling. I totally agree. You seem to get it. May be you can teach me all this..passion, talent, acceptance and happiness..you are all that personified for as long as I can remember..you are my teacher..

Thursday, July 18, 2013

How to get your own pets..

Standing inside the elevator with N and J when we spotted a very pregnant lady walking towards elevator with her dog. While the elevator door was closing, J chimes in "that lady is pregnant".

2 hours later..

N having a good time splashing water in the bath tub while I was watching her..she suddenly turns and asks me "Are you pregnant?" . My eyes ready to pop out. I mean I am chubby and all, but this? I said "Noooo" She says "But why not??" I said "because mommy is done having babies. If we have one more baby, she will not have time to take care of you and J". Her eyes became very curious. She goes "U mean, when you are pregnant, you get a baby?" I said "Yeahhhh....why??" She goes "I thought you get pets. Your own pets.."

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

New beginning

You finished first grade with dazzling colors my boy. Your favorite teacher Mrs. V happens to be my favorite teacher by far. She wrote following letter to all the first grade parents which brought me to tears..lucky to have you in my life..

Dear Parents,
I give you back your child, the same child you confidently entrusted to my care last fall. I give him back pounds heavier, months wiser, more responsible and more mature than he was then.
Although he would have attained his growth inspite of me, it has been my pleasure and privilege to watch his personality unfold day by day. I give him back recluctantly, for having spent nine months together in the narrow confines of a crwoded classroom, we have grown closer, have become a part of each other, and we shall always retain a little of each other.
Ten years from now if we met on the street, your child and I, a light will shine to our eyes, a smile to our face, and we shall feel the bond of understanding once more, this bond we feel today.
We have lived, loved, laughed, played, studied, learned, and enriched our lives together this year. I wish it could go on indefinitely, but give him back I must. Take care of him, for he is precious.
Remember that I shall always be interested in your child and his destiny, wherever he goes, whatever he does, whoever he becomes. His joys and sorrows I'll always be happy to share.
You teacher, Mrs. V

Monday, June 24, 2013

I am one thankful Mommy

Ninu
when you grow up you might wonder when was that day when I first asked my mom about make up. It was yesterday night. I was reading a book for you at bedtime. You asked me if I can buy you make up. I said not until you are a teenager. Mommy still does not have it. You said that's fair. I can buy you make up when you are a teenager. Your eyes looked like you cannot wait for that day. No so fast my dear. I need lots and lots of non-makeup-y fussy cranky days from you before that..no so fast..
Yesterday was also the day when you rubbed your face against mine, looked at me and said I looked pretty. I can't take my eyes off of you. I do not know where that's coming from. But I loved it. Me being pretty in your eyes is the greatest reward I can ever get...now, How about praising me for being funny? you think you can do that next?

Jay
It was not a great week for you and me and daddy. You came down with horrible hives. We thought it is our good old enemy eczema at its worst. You went to school no matter what. When I finally took you to doctor she explained me what it was. I broke down in front of the doctor. I saw so much sadness in your eyes that I was crying. The nurse gave you a shot. You did not complain a bit. You thanked her when she was done. She was mesmerized that a seven year old boy can be this bold and polite. Then you turned to me and said "I am okay mom. It's already going away. Can you please smile now?". You gave me a tissue to wipe my tears. Then you talked silly things to make me laugh. I am so proud of you my boy. You are a great son and big brother..don't ever lose this..

love you bunches my munchkins..

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Math Quiz

Q: Mummy had 10 strawberries. She gave one to Jay. How many strawberries left?
A: Umm..10

Why because Jay does not eat starwberries. (Why because is a special pharse used by Nina Dixit because she wants to ask questions and also answer them. Why because she is a like that...)

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Sangeeta Factor

J and N,

We all have "our" factor in ourselves..i believe in it..it’s what makes you you..you who loves something. you who hates something. you who is scared of something..you who lives on something..that’s our factor..A huge part of our day we think about this..we think what our factor asks us to think..then we think what we are supposed to think..sometimes it matches and sometimes it does not..when it does not, it is a huge struggle..you vs. you. anything you do, you lose. anything you do, you win. strange situation, right? when it matches, nothing like it. Life suddenly makes sense. Mundane things feel interesting. winter feels like summer..
Sometimes this factor suddenly leaves us...you see it going away and there is nothing you can do but mourn the loss of it..while walking on the streets, you see your factor walking in some other direction..and suddenly you scream "hey, you, come back here..what were you thinking of when you left me? please don't ever do it again"...but "you" does not listen..like it has it's own mind..it goes on..you and you drift apart..life seems boring..meaningless...empty..
and thats when my friend, you need a very very positive diversion..i say positive because thats the only way to get yourself back..because believe it or not, you are precious..your "you" factor is precious..so all you have to do is put one foot in front of other and breathe..don't worry..your "you" factor needs you..its going to come back soon and then the world will make sense again ..for a few seconds atleast..hang in there..

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Famous

Thanks J J for this...

Mom: I need to do this dance class for myself
N: Nooooo...mommy..you can not leave me and go to this class..
J: She needs to go Nina...so she can be very famous..
Mom: No no..I can't be famous ...
J: Why not? Don't say that.. you are already so famous..
Mom: I am?
J: Yes, for us..you are so famous..
N: yes, yes, you are...


 

Friday, April 12, 2013

Religion

J and N
you need to remember your mom was a highly spiritual person who did not understand the meaning or purpose of religion. Not that she tried really hard. Somehow she found solace in knowing that she is one of those people who do not need to understand what religion meant in the real world. I say real world because I happen to believe I do not live in it most of the times..you will know when you get to my age..maybe..
Your mom also loved giving new meaning to old things and how can she miss this opportunity...my religion is not Hindu. My religion is to love against all odds..My religion is to love when it is the most difficult thing to do ..my religion is to help when I do not feel like helping at all..my religion is to believe that people who follow religion are just human beings..My religion is to say sorry when I make mistakes. My religion is to get scared when doing things..my religion is to fall and get up and to fall again without having any shame..my religion is to believe..my religion is to admit..my religion is find myself - which is believe me the most difficult thing to do for me..
I want you guys to decide what religion is when you grow up. read books, listen to elders, but find it out yourself. You might as well come up with something really weird and fail at it..but you will own it for once..be proud of it..I am..
I always want you guys to remember this song-

Monday, March 25, 2013

as crazy as it gets...

Dear J & N,

I hope to leave you enough proof that your mom was a proud-to-be-crazy kind of woman..and God knows this blog is helping me...read this invitation i sent for your birthdays..i love you with all my heart..now can you do your homework, bath, dinner, lunch on time??

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                                                ।।श्री दत्तात्रय प्रसन्न ।।
आमचे येथे श्री दिक्षित ह्यांच्या कृपेने चि. जय आणि चि. निना चा वाढदिवस
एप्रिल -- दिवशी संध्याकाळी ठीक ५ वाजता आमच्या घरी करायचे योजिले आहे.
आपण सह कुटुंब सह परिवार यावे हि कळकळीची विनंती आहे. कृपया नाही म्हणू
नये. नाहीतर आमचे येथील कडक लक्ष्मिचा अवतार बघणे नशिबी येईल.

इस्पेसल इनंति :
१> इस्त्रि वर्गानी देसी कपडे घालणे आवश्यक आहे. पुरुष वर्गानी कपडे
घालणे आवश्यक आहे.
२> गिफ्ट आणणे आवश्यक नाही. आणली तर तिचा size २ inches by ४ inches
पेक्षा जास्त असू नये. घरात जागा नाहीये. नाहीतर एखादे घर गिफ्ट म्हणून
देण्यास आमची हरकत नाही. असो ...

धन्यवाद .

-श्री व सौ दिक्षित

Monday, March 18, 2013

खेळ

काही सांगायचे होते
अन स्वताचेच गुपित ऐकायचे होते
सांगता सांगता आपल्याच मिठीन कोसळून
ऐकता ऐकता हलकेच डोळे पुसायचे होते

काही विसरायचे होते
अन काही आठवायचे होते
विसरता-आठवता हळूच स्वताला हरवायचे होते

काही सांभाळायचे होते
अन काही गमवायचे होते
बंद मुठी उघडून
उधळून सगळे लावायचे होते

खेळ मांडायचे होते
अन मग विसकटून टाकायचे होते
बिखरलेले सावरताना मग
परत स्वताला शोधायचे होते


Thursday, March 14, 2013

This is for you, D..

Dear D,
I got to see you at a party. You were such a special 7 year old girl!! screaming, smiling, laughing, hugging other girls.....When the party was over, we found out that you left your jacket there itself..I had your jacket in my hand when you came looking for it..I saw a car waiting outside as you walked in. I tapped on your shoulders and asked you "Are you D? Is this your jacket?" You gave me the sweetest grin ever..loved it! I helped you put on the jacket and as you turned around to go out, I asked you "Is your mom waiting outside?"..you nodded your sweet little head up and down a few times..
Later I came to know your mom is no more..something inside me froze for a few seconds..D, I feel so so connected to you right now for some weird reason..u and me..we are so so similar..I also do the same exact thing when some stranger asks me how is my dad doing..I nod my head up and down a few times..i hope you somehow know right now that, even though I spoke to you like a stranger, I share a little slice of your heart..it must be God's plan that I decided to carry your jacket with me..thank you D!
 -S