Monday, September 30, 2013

For my heart and soul...

One precious boy was busy dreaming about a night full of sleep. As he went to bed each night he must have asked himself this question "Is today going to be the night I sleep through?". His red patchy rough skin full of Veseline and hands inside mittens irritated him like no other thing on the earth has. He kept his words to himself most of the times. He knew he has to live with this for the time being at least. His seven year old soul had kept itself busy throughout the day. He did go to school yawning. He studied his maths with heavy eyes. He memorized his spellings and finished his homework as told. The best time of the day was when he was on the playground playing tag. It was sunny and hot. He did not realize this until he came in and felt sorry for doing that. The itchiness was incredibly bad. He could not sit still. He could not write properly. He could not think through. He was worried if he continued scratching he would bleed on his uniform and his friends would make fun of him. He still made it through. He gave his best shot.

"Why me mommy?" he asked while taking bath which seemed like a torture. Why do people enjoy baths he would think each day. Why do people love swimming he pondered. Why can't I eat anything I like without worrying? His little mind drifted back and forth between all the whys several times during the day. At dinner time when he was sitting and chatting with mom and his little sister, mom asked "if you had the power to control the world, what kind of place do you want it to be?" little sis said "I want the world to have lots of toy shops and shoe shops" it was his turn. He looked at mom and found her eagerly waiting for his words. With his eyes full of kindness, he said "I want nobody in this world to be sick. They all need to be healthy" Mom was speechless and sad. Mom kissed his sweet face and whispered "If I could I would take away all your sickness my boy. All of it..."

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Pat me one more last time..



Little miss. Jojo was so sleepy. She lay in her bed waiting for her mom to finish the chores.She could see mom working in the kitchen. Mom seemed tired. She was still working very fast. Jojo wanted her to work faster so she can sit with her. She screamed "How much more time mom?".Mom replied "I only have two hands. I am trying." Moms face softened a bit immediately. She put the dishes away and walked towards her. Her eyes seem fixated on Jojo's face. She came and said in the softest voice ever "dishes will wait my dear..I will give you bath now. I love you" Jojo's face lit up..She followed mommy in the bathroom. It was getting late and Jojo wanted a bubble bath. Mom said No. Jojo hated Nos. It's friday afterall. Why can’t I? Mom said tomorrow. Jojo knew mom would not budge. She started crying. She could feel her warm tears trickle down on her face. Mom was watching her from the corner of her eyes and she suddenly turned and said "Okay then. Bubble bath it is. But only for five more minutes" Jojo knew mom says five for a reason. Nice warm bath...hmmmm.....a trip to the heaven and then...back again..it was time to read books..Mom reads three books. Mommy is good at reading. After the third book, Jojo always says "one more? last one?" Then mommy says "Then what Jojo? What will happen after that?" Jojo said with a cute little grin "that’s the last last one mommy". She put her tiny hands on mom's cheeks and kissed her and whispered "you are the bestest mommy, mommy. I love you."Mommy smiled. Her eyes looked tired. She read another book. Jojo yawned. Mommy tucked her in and hugged her tight. Mommy had the softest voice of all. She brushed her cheek against Jojo’s cheeks and patted her back until Jojo drifted off to sleep.

Deep down in the jungle it was kind of scary. The sun was setting. She could hear strange sounds coming from a distance. Could it be a lion? May be there is s snake on the tree under which I am standing. I need to run for my life. But only if I knew which direction I should take..Mom..mom..I wish I had listened to  her..Mom..can you find me? I will never ever ask for bubble baths or one more book or cry for you when I know you are busy..I will be your best friend..just this one time, can you find me?

Magic happens when you wish for something that badly. She could feel mom's hand on her back.The warmest ever feeling settled in her heart. Mom's hand was rough. But it was all Jojo needed to come out of the woods..Back in her mom's arms Jojo said to herself "I know hearts pump blood, but my mom's heart pumps flowers. Tiny shiny bright colorful flowers..I love you mom..just one last one more time, can you pat me? the last last time for today, can you pat me?"


Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Lost and found..

We lost daddy in whole foods market (it was more like he ran away) ..

so I say to Nina "I need to find daddy"
Her eyes get all weird "who is this lady, how can she lose daddy" like sentiment in them..
but girl stepped up for help "mummy, would you know him by his face if you want to spot him?"
I am like "ummm......"
Girl stepped up to help again.."Don't worry. I know what shirt he is wearing today. I will help."

thank god for good memory..

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

The class has just begun..

J & N,

There is a lot to learn..thirty nine years of life have taught me a lot, but it feels like the class has just begun..it's an amazing class with an amazing teacher..a lot of people attend it..They each learn differently..at their own pace..in this class, you just have to be..just be..believe it or not..it's much more difficult than you can think of..just being..breathing..

Amazingly enough, sometimes in this class, people forget that they are in the class together..all of them..they forget they are here to learn..together..that's when they just stop being..they become judgmental..they give opinions without asking..they hurt each other..but in this class, nobody fails..you get how many ever chances you want to just be..you can come back to just being..

It's hard to see teacher's face..sometimes it appears that the teacher is not teaching anything at all..teacher is stubborn. We think what has gotten into him? It is even worth to attend this? I would rather be someplace else..I want a different class..I want different teacher..we march out of the class only to find ourselves in another class with the same exact teacher..there is no escaping him..

Sometimes you think ..boy how I wish things would have been different with me..you day dream..you become sad..you blame..you cry..you stop believing in yourself..you seem like a failure..you want to go meet the teacher and pour your heart out..may be he has the solution to all this..with a lot of hope, you finally go closer to the teacher and find yourself looking at your own self..you smile at yourself..you hold your own hand..you give yourself your own shoulder to cry on..you whisper in your own ears..it's okay..you are okay..i love you..you are special..i love you..we are going to be great together..I am here..

Cheers to my teacher..she has been wonderful so far..i love her..

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

There is magic in the air...

J,

It was magical moment for me when I was waking you up in the morning. I thought somewhere in some corner of the world some other mom must be waking up a person or may be playing with a person who will grow up and will be in your life as your life partner years after today. It was such a joyful thought for me. I looked at your face and wished from the bottom of the heart that I cross paths with this little person some day and somehow sense some magical bonding. That person - just like you - might be hating school homework or might be loving it. That person might be singing all day like you do..that person might be a picky eater... That person might have some allergies or not...That person exists. And I already love that person. I wish with all my heart that that person never has to ask for love...never has to feel lonely...never has to lose faith in love...love you..

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Woman Proposes, God Disposes...

Woman proposes, god disposes..

I felt an overwhelming NEED to eat M&M's (with peanuts) around 3. What is it with 3 PM anyways? I always wonder. There I was doing my work around 2:59 PM and suddenly at 3 PM the world came to a screeching halt. Because every good deed needs an explanation, here is mine for wanting to eat the M&dM's (with peanuts). I will be giving up chocolate in the month of August. And since it is not August today, I really get this last chance to indulge into it, so I NEED to drag myself to the vending machine and eat the M&M's (with peanuts). Note that I choose MandM's (with peanuts) because mind you even at my unhealthy-est self, I try to balance it out. So I declared my resolution on the YM and asked "D" to join me in giving up something like ...ummm...Coffee..I also did not forget to attach the line in the end "If you truly love me". After I typed, I regretted it big time. ooops..

and because every "sure" has to have "if" after it, he said

"Sure, if that will make you feel loved"..

Ooops...
ok..I am not going to back out just yet..so I said

"Not really..I need a lot more things after that.."

needless to say I lost my fellow "something" giving companion right there.

At was almost 3:15 PM and a woman with a want of sugar rush cannot wait more than that. So I sighed and opened my purse. I was so sure I will find a dollar bill or quarters, but instead I found a lot of hello kitty hair clips, stamps from the doctors place and kohls cash. I frantically thought for a minute if I can use kohls cash inside wending machine, because, why not? I could not believe that a woman has to try so hard to get one tiny pack of tinnie-tiny M&M's (with peanuts) if she is ready to give up so much after that..oh well..I guess I don't have to now..I just wanted to be healthy, but whatever..woman proposes and..

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

जगा लेको



मीटिंग मधे फोन वर
एक  भिजलेला श्वास
कोणाला ऐकू नाही गेला
कारण mute वर ठेवले होते  पत्ठ्यास

परत फिरून
लक्ष देणे भाग होते
पण प्रयत्न करून करून
मन वेडावले होते

फोन वर
किती संभाषणे साधली
पण भुकेलेल्या मनाची
तहान नाही भागली

वाटल .. ह्यातल्या प्रत्येकाला सांगावे
करा disconnect अन बिनधास्त सुट्टी घ्या
deadlines आणि goals .. कशाचीही चिंता न करता
लेकांनो तुम्ही एक दिवस स्वतासाठी जगा

जा घरी आणि मिठी मारा बायकोला
उठलून घ्या चिमुकल्यांना
किवा पहा एक मस्त picture
आणि मग ताणून द्या छान दुपारभर

मस्त फिरायला जा बागे मध्ये
किवा hike करा डोंगरावर
हो ... त्याच डोंगरावर .. जो पाहून
उसासे सोडता तुम्ही दिवस भर

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