as crazy as it gets...

Dear J & N,

I hope to leave you enough proof that your mom was a proud-to-be-crazy kind of woman..and God knows this blog is helping me...read this invitation i sent for your birthdays..i love you with all my heart..now can you do your homework, bath, dinner, lunch on time??

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                                                ।।श्री दत्तात्रय प्रसन्न ।।
आमचे येथे श्री दिक्षित ह्यांच्या कृपेने चि. जय आणि चि. निना चा वाढदिवस
एप्रिल -- दिवशी संध्याकाळी ठीक ५ वाजता आमच्या घरी करायचे योजिले आहे.
आपण सह कुटुंब सह परिवार यावे हि कळकळीची विनंती आहे. कृपया नाही म्हणू
नये. नाहीतर आमचे येथील कडक लक्ष्मिचा अवतार बघणे नशिबी येईल.

इस्पेसल इनंति :
१> इस्त्रि वर्गानी देसी कपडे घालणे आवश्यक आहे. पुरुष वर्गानी कपडे
घालणे आवश्यक आहे.
२> गिफ्ट आणणे आवश्यक नाही. आणली तर तिचा size २ inches by ४ inches
पेक्षा जास्त असू नये. घरात जागा नाहीये. नाहीतर एखादे घर गिफ्ट म्हणून
देण्यास आमची हरकत नाही. असो ...

धन्यवाद .

-श्री व सौ दिक्षित

खेळ

काही सांगायचे होते
अन स्वताचेच गुपित ऐकायचे होते
सांगता सांगता आपल्याच मिठीन कोसळून
ऐकता ऐकता हलकेच डोळे पुसायचे होते

काही विसरायचे होते
अन काही आठवायचे होते
विसरता-आठवता हळूच स्वताला हरवायचे होते

काही सांभाळायचे होते
अन काही गमवायचे होते
बंद मुठी उघडून
उधळून सगळे लावायचे होते

खेळ मांडायचे होते
अन मग विसकटून टाकायचे होते
बिखरलेले सावरताना मग
परत स्वताला शोधायचे होते

This is for you, D..

Dear D,

I got to see you at a party. You were such a special 7 year old girl!! screaming, smiling, laughing, hugging other girls.....When the party was over, we found out that you left your jacket there itself..I had your jacket in my hand when you came looking for it..I saw a car waiting outside as you walked in. I tapped on your shoulders and asked you "Are you D? Is this your jacket?" You gave me the sweetest grin ever..loved it! I helped you put on the jacket and as you turned around to go out, I asked you "Is your mom waiting outside?"..you nodded your sweet little head up and down a few times..

Later I came to know your mom is no more..something inside me froze for a few seconds..D, I feel so so connected to you right now for some weird reason..u and me..we are so so similar..I also do the same exact thing when some stranger asks me how is my dad doing..I nod my head up and down a few times..i hope you somehow know right now that, even though I spoke to you like a stranger, I share a little slice of your heart..it must be God's plan that I decided to carry your jacket with me..thank you D!

 -S

Pink Icing

Nini girl,

Last weekend I took you to a birthday party..there were cup cakes for you with yellow icing..you wanted pink icing..you told the hostess you wanted pink instead of yellow and she promised she will do a fresh new icing on a cupcake for you when time came..when the time came you went and told her that she promised she would give you pink icing..she asked you to wait..you waited patiently in the midst of all the crowd..I was watching you from a distance..every expression on your face...after reminding the hostess 3 times and then waiting some more, you got what you wanted without any help from me...girl, I was so proud of you...i felt like jumping on the sofa and clapping and cheering for you..my girl got what she wanted..pink icing..you are so much like me...feisty, gently adamant at times, irritatingly adamant at other times..we girls need that..Don't know why..Can't explain you how much ..but we do.. trust me..

Back in my school days, someone asked me if I thought girls had to do more compromises than boys later in their lives..my answer was "it all depends on the girl.."..i stick to my point..with a little twist..first point is sometimes the girl does not know what she wants and second point is, there is no way one human being can compare amount of compromises other people are making or have made..gender is a mute point..Compromises are much like sad incidents and beautiful incidents in my diary..you cannot avoid them. The more you run away, the more they will haunt you. The more you own them, the more stronger and happier they will make you..they can come in all shapes and sizes..some can be less intense and some so intense that you might lose the grip of who you are..at one point in time, I used to feel compromise is a win-loose situation, but I was so wrong..It's up to us to make it a win-win situation..totally..there is no school to teach you this..it all intertwined in human nature and the more you do it, the better you get at it..

As a mom, I always want my girl to get the pink icing..always..but I know you won't..there will be more yellow than pink my girl..It would break my heart to see you struggling but I know more than anything that I will be strong enough to pat your back ..always and forever..and let me tell you a secret..yellow is as good as pink..sometimes even amazingly awesome...good luck Nini girl!!

Classic Daddy

JayBug and NinaBallelina,

When you grow up, this is going to make you smile...you are welcome!
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One day in the morning, mommy had something important (according to her) to ask Daddy. So she dialed the number -
S: Hey, can I talk to you for 5 minutes?
D: Yeah, sure!
D: That will make me about 5 minutes late in the evening...
dhadam <-- that's the noise of the phone receiver..question for you...who do you think banged the phone that badly?? remember, you were on my team...
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One weekend, Daddy was teaching Compound words to JayBug.
D: Jay, button is a compound word
j: Hah?
D: yeah...butt + on = button...get it??
For some reason Daddy's face was proud..
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Evening timepass with kids..

We singed so much, we thinked we should share-
Phulon ke rang se with some coughing in the background

Fairly Old

I am not the person who is shy about her age. At all..Really. If someone is asking me "BTW, what is your.." I say "38 plus or minus 1"..before even they complete their sentence. (Don't ask about plus or minus thing..) I know I am getting older. And I actually am pretty comfortable with it. I would not want to go back to being early 20 something and then fall in love and then make that guy fall in love (phew!!) and then have kids and then feed them like crazy..no..thank you very much..I am very cozy and comfy where I am after all the hard work I put in..sure, the age of getting all excited about your birthday are gone..but I feel like a calm river now..It kinda felt like all the years after 24 something just flew by ..They went right past me like a hurricane..so fast and so super duper speedily..I was like standing near a very long goods trains and waving bye to it (you can see I am spending too much time talking about trains lately)..but my sweet children are always there to make me remind of my age like this one incident for example..jay and nina playing and jay demoing her how to do somersaults ..Nina points to me and says "Maami ?" and Jay says "nonono..she is old..old people can not do this..she can jump instead, right mommy?" point taken Jay..no somersaults indeed..

The only time I feel old is when I think about the people older than me getting older. That is something hard to accept.. When I think about mom, I want to become 13 something so badly...Those were days of miracles I would say. Dad going to office with no cell phone..we playing outside like crazy people, mom
calling our names in dark when its dinner time, the YEARLY shopping done on birthdays..I can still feel that
smell in the air when rain started..I can still feel the excitement of going to a movie with my sister..

Will my kids have something to remember like this? Will they remember I played monopoly with them? Or will they remember the Wii games we did not buy for them? Will they remember I enjoyed breakfast with them every single morning? Or will they remember that I was not there at home for them when they came back from school? I am asking you because I can not ask "Karmanye Vadhikaraste Ma Phaleshu Kada Chana" who lives with me.. :-)