Manual?? Anyone?

Helllllooooooooooooooooooo
It's me again! Neenaaaaaaaaaaaaa....cuz I need your help.
If you are in New Jersi and you see a kid on the streets looking for somethin, it must be me. Cuz I am looking for a manual for my mom . cuz she did not seem to get it. Or I dont get her. Somethin like that..Use your own brains...
So, since I dont have manual, I am talkin to you. If you are her frend, pleeez talk to her..
1> I am 2 or mostly 3. She is pretty old. When she asks me "what is wrong with you?", don't you think she shud know it? huh? I mean, eccu me, but who is the mom here?
2> It is O.K.A.Y to wear the same dress every single day to school. How come she does not know she will have to wash less clothes? I wonder if she is really that old or she just pretends to be.
3> When my shoes are not my size, she does not have to give them away. When I get smaller, they will fit me. I pramise.
4> I think I am doing a very good service to her when I wake up at 5:30 and tell her "waaaaaaaaaake up, its time to wakeeeeeee up". Geez so much for making sure your mom goes to office on time! How about a thank you or a lollipop?
5> Washing hands is optional. You can as well put them in your mouth to clean them. It does not make sense to get up, go to the sink and stand there for no reason. What a waste of water! Also, after you finish eating, it is okay to wash your hands in the cup in front of you. And then use the rest of the water to clean the table right over there. What a helper I am!
6> it is okay to pronounce Plaskit as Plaskit.
Gotta go. It's time I check on mommy ..more later when I get some time for myself..you see what I am talkin about?

You better watch out

Sometimes I wonder if Jay is our son. Really. I have got reasons..

He talks..NON.STOP. We try to avoid it as much as we can..

He plans..We don't know what that is (For example: we buy a birthday gift while going to the birthday and wrap it by placing it in the car trunk. If I forgot to buy the wrapping paper, I may tell the host that I do not believe in wasting paper. So next time do not even ask if we are late or else it will cost you your birthday gift)

He hates sleeping..Sleeping is all we want to do..

He loves to clean..You guessed it!

Sooooooooo, given that his birthday is coming up in a few months, he is totally blown away by the fact that mom and dad are walking around the house like they have nothing to do with it. He tried giving me a couple of gentle, not-so-gentle, very bad warnings about how I am slacking about it. He finally learned to get on amazon to find out party supplies and place them in the cart. Thank god he does not know our credit card number ..yet..phew! I must say he is very particular about what he orders (again, a reason to doubt whether he is my son or not). He has carefully selected a disco light, a few party supplies and of course a couple of gifts for himself. Poor guy has no choice..

Most of privileged perople have made it to his party list so far. The list has been made a few times and each time depending on who has been good/bad with him, they make it to the list or not. So be nice to him the next couple of weeks, or else, you will never make it to this fun party!

As of yesterday the count was 22 kids.

Mom: Jay, 22 kids come with their parents and we do not have enough space.
Jay: Don't worry (again, another reason for me to doubt). I have an idea. When people come we will ask them to go in the disco room (aka Jay's bedroom). When they are out, the others can go in.
Mom: We still do not have enough place for these people.
Jay: Don't worry. Once people start to come, you and dad have to go back..
Mom: Back?
Jay: Yes
Mom: Where?
Jay: Back wherever you came from..
Mom: Like where??
Jay: Back to the same place (at this point, I finally realized this was not going anywhere)
Mom: But mom and dad are the hosts, so they need to be here to give food and stuff
Jay: No, we are not giving food to anyone.
Mom: There is always food in parties.
Jay: Don't worry. We will keep food on the table and they can grab if when they go out. They can eat at their place we do not have to clean up. But I will vacuum anyways after the party..(why??)

So, people, our party is very much like an exhibition, you come in, you go to the room, do disco or whatever , come out, grab a snack and go about your own merry way..Does not seem like a bad idea to me considering that all this time, I do not need to be there at all..

 

Do I know you?

Turns out, I don't know my own son anymore..My perfect 5 year old has turned into a giant whining machine..he has a giant whining pipe and 99 out of 100 times he is aiming to shoot it at no one else but his own mom..It does not matter why and whom he is upset about..(Datta, now I know how you feel about me...but that in no way means I will change my behavior..so-ree buddy)

Every evening when I pick him up from school, he looks like a perfectly adorable sweet boy nodding his head and then saying have a good night to his teachers and five minutes later..you know what i mean...Don't you? Do I know him? I dont think so...But he definitely is showing some familiar traits which closely resemble his own mom..BTW whoever came up with terminology of terrible twos must have given up giving names for further age groups..but I am not gonna quit..It is called ferocious fives..

Never been dumped before..

Yesterday turned out to be the climax of movie "Never been dumped before" for me..
When you are a five year old who just started kindergarten and cannot nap the entire day and do not have a single ounce of energy left but still want to play on the swing forever and have a mommy who would like to get home sometime ..this is what it boils down to..when mommy says "Jay it is time to go home " and starts walking..

Jay follows her and tells her (BTW he is so irritated with my behavior he does not even want to talk to me, but has to give me a peace of mind anyways..)

"mum-meee..I am naat goin to marry YOU...I am going to marry daddy.."

Never been dumped before...dont know how to handle this.. :-(

School is for mommy to grow up..

4th day of school in Kindergarten. Jay - a kid that hardly waves back at you when you wave Hi or Bye to him..he hardly even notices you or shows any kind of emotion on his face what.so.ever when his friend of almost 5 yrs meets or greets him in the elevator..

Jay met Jordon in school aftercare. Jordon is his ex-classmate. Jordon told Jay - his brother Jayden (who is merely 8 yrs old BTW) has 6 girlfriends..(I imagined jay's jaw dropping)..whoa..no kidding..later during the day Jay got a chance to meet the army of girlfriends..Jay said over-enthusiasctically .."Mommy, one of them waved at me!" so, I asked "And then what happened?" Jay replied "I waved back" (my turn to drop the jaw).. Jay continued "Two others kept staring at me for no reason..haaa haaa..no kidding.."

Kindergarten is hard..for me..

My work here is done...

On daily basis it is struggle to keep Jay and Nina walk from the day care door through the parking lot towards the car. They skip, bounce, jump in puddles, run like wild animals, freeze at times. My heart rate is on a high drive until they are tucked in their car seats. Yesterday was a whole another ball game though. Jay walked slowly, looked for cars approaching, went near the car and waited. Nina walked along my side and walked quietly until she was on Jay's side. I was close to having tears in my eyes...is this for real?

Mommy: Wow Jay, you walked like a very responsible person today.
Jay  : Yes, mommy. I did not run. I looked on the left and then on the right and then crossed the road. And Nina will learn from me and then do the same. We do not need you anymore.

what else does a mom want to hear at the end of the day?

Almost there!

Life has been a roller coaster lately..actually for last 12 yrs or so. Once in a while I get this urge to write about something and then the other times I get to make fun about what I wrote in the past. Don't you always laugh when you look at your old photos? It's kind of that.

When I read what I wrote, I am like "Whoa! what was I thinking???.." anyways..
It was high time I start the PT for Nina. For those of you lounging on your comfy sofa with no kids running around, PT stands for Potty Training. Our house has 2 hot spots..we always hang out there..2 bathrooms..yes, the place where everything happens..or should I say supposed to happen..but does not sometimes..haaa haaa..

So little Nina was fed up of giving me hints that she hates diapers and then she was fed up of saying "Mommy, I do not want to wear diapers". So, I could not run away from taking on that task anymore..Potty training is not for kids..It is for parents. You have to let go of whatever freedom you have got to wander around your own house without worrying where your diaper clad child is..This is a serious business. No
questions. In the last 5 years, 2 words have been the most spoken words in our (Datta and Myself) conversations. They both start with "P"..On some days, that is all we talk about..that is if we get a chance to talk..

There are great many things I discover when I start projects like this. Can you even imagine simple things like walking, eating, drinking from a cup and using restrooms were once upon a time not easy for us to do? It is simply amazing to me that we learnt all this when we were so small. This is not just training to use restroom, this is about listening to your body, listening to your parents, finding out what happens as a consequence of some decisions we take and finally moving on..

Having said that Nina is having a time of her life as usual. She is no way takes this seriously because she has no idea what serious means. With her little wit she figures out what kind of action gets maximum attention from her parents and she has fun watching us running around like crazy people when time calls for it (you know what I mean..) She has mastered the art of ingnoring me selectively. Read this typical
conversation I have with her (mostly one way conversation)

Mommy: Nina, do you want to use restroom?
Nina (in her mind): what if I blow bubbles now with Jay? Won't that be super fun? 

After half an hour...
Mommy: Nina, I think you should go to restroom.
Nina (in her mind): somehow I think pink play dough tastes way better than the yellow one..never tried blue though...

after half an hour...
Mommy: Nina, Let me take you to restroom. We will all clap if you go to restroom...
Nina (in her mind): Clap? what is she thinking? Clap is so old..I was hoping she would say chocolate or something..

After 15 minutes:
Mommy: Nina, I am going to take you to restroom NOW.. otherwise..
Nina (in her mind): Oh, so this is what happens..no worries..kind of having fun watching mommy run...I don't like this wet pink pant that I am wearing, but in any case I want it back..same pant please..just not so wet..But SAME PANT...

Nina : SAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMME PAAAAAAAAAAAAAANT mommy...I want it..I WANT IT BACK...

I am so there with her on this one thing..I want it back..Don't we all want something back?